I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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