Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
