Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
