he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
