Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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