The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
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you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
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You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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