how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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