In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
