So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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