she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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