I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
