We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
