Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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