So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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