yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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