Sponge bath it is.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize