Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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