watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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