New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I deserve this hangover.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
