Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
