Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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