This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
