i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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