Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
