I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
