"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
