my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
