Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
