I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
