the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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