My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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