we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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