So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
We had sex on a dog bed..
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
