a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
How's work?
Spinning.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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