Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize