He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
