I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Dick very happy bro
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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