omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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