She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
