waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm just crazy horny about you
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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