I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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