i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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