I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
