the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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