I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
