Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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