i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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