This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
