Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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