Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
