you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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