I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
i think im in europe. pls send help
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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