I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
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There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
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He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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