I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
