I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize