There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Randomize
