can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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