Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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