Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
