I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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