Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
