Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
