I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
