yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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