Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
