Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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