Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
